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The Board of Supervisors for the city of San Francisco voted to ban public nudity on Tuesday. The city has long been known for its reputation as a reprieve from tradition and a counterculture hotspot.

You can’t even walk around naked in San Francisco anymore. If this is Obama’s America, I want more of it. A lot more of it. This is awesome

Seeing dudes walk around naked is lame. Nobody wants that. Think about your dad — do you want to see him walking around town naked? Probably not. Unless something is wrong with you. Are you drunk? Ok.

Seeing dudes walk around naked is lame, but seeing most women walking around naked is also lame. The majority of women are not attractive. Think about it. A lot of them are under the age of 18, which means you’re not even allowed to be attracted to them. A lot of the are over 40, which means they’re probably fat and don’t do anything with their hair and wear ugly glasses and jeans and stuff. You don’t want to see them naked. Seeing online videos of them naked is just as bad.

Attractive people are only attractive because there are very few of them. It’s special when someone is attractive, you don’t see that every day. Good for you, San Fran — nice ban.

By this point in the election cycle, it has become clear that the 2012 United States presidential election will boil down to a choice between Barack Obama and Mitt Romney. Voters still have more than twenty four hours to make their decision on who will be President of the United States for the next four years. That should be more than enough time.

These two candidates have been campaigning for many many months. Voters are already familiar with Barack Hussein Obama; mostly because he is president of the United States of America. He is also attractive and kinda funny and he was pretty famous before he got elected, anyway, so he has good name recognition. People know who Barack Obama is.

Mitt Romney is also pretty famous, but not as famous as Barack Obama. When hurricane Sandy hit the East Coast, I didn’t see Mitt Romney jetting around from city to city offering condolences. That’s because nobody cares what Mitt Romney thinks about the hurricane, they care what the President thinks and Barack Obama is President of the United States of America.

So, basically, people will have to choose between Barack Obama and Mitt Romney. I’m predicting a win for either Barack Obama or Mitt Romney. That’s how it goes. Proud to be an American? At least you know you’re free.

I’ll bet you $100 that President Barack Obama wins tonight’s debate about foreign policy. He is better and has more experienced in foreign policy. Plus, I voted for him in 2008 so I like him more and am more likely to consider him the winner of any debate. I haven’t spent a lot of time thinking about this, so I could be wrong, but asking someone which candidate won a debate is basically the same as asking them which candidate they are going to voter for. People are not objective with these things, so they will always just answer with their favorite candidate.

But just because I am $100 sure that Barack Obama will win tonight’s debate, that doesn’t mean I am sure he will win the election. The numbers say that these two candidates are in a dead heat against each other. I know I will vote for him, but the electoral college will probably vote a different way than I do. It’s basically a coin toss.

Obama is, like, the smartest president ever. He’s never done anything wrong and he’s a really nice guy, too. On top of that, he’s attractive. But we’re not here to talk about how cute or smart or cool Obama is, we’re here to talk about the debates. But he is smart and cool. He’s cute, too.

Obama started off the last debate in usual genius fashion: he said happy anniversary to his First Lady. Women vote? On lock. It was a masterful move from a gifted orator. “He’s probably as good of a husband as he is a president,” women like myself thought, “I should totally vote for him. Plus, he’s way cuter than Romney.”

The president played his cards perfectly. People were thinking Mitt Romney was going to do really bad. It was a lose-lose situation for the President, because if he won the debate, everyone would be all “yeah, he won, what’s the big deal? Romney sucks.” and if he lost the debate they’d be all “I can’t believe he lost to Romney. Romney sucks!” So, instead of either of these outcomes, Obama chose to let Romney set the bar very high for himself. And now that the candidates are being held to similar standards, the playing field has been leveled and they can compete on equal terms. That’s the Obama we know and love: the really smart and infallible one.

And he’s cute, too.

Last night, Vice President Joe Biden and Congressman Paul Ryan engaged in the first and only vice presidential debate of the 2012 Presidential Election. I had the debate on low volume while I played a game of Risk with my wife’s sister’s stepson, and I came away with two things: 1) I’m surprised there’s no commercials during these debates, especially the Vice Presidential one; and 2) Paul Ryan has a really good hairline. That dude’s never going bald.

It’s really surprising that there are no commercials during these debates, especially this Vice Presidential one. Football games are way more important than the vice presidential debate and there are a lot of commercials during football games. They even have commercials during the Emmy Awards. If you ask me, it’s very surprising that they don’t have commercials during these debates.

I also feel like Paul Ryan may literally never go bald. His hairline is rock-solid and his haircut is impeccable. What is it with these rich Massachusetts presidential candidates naming VPs with gay hair? John Kerry, who eventually lost to George W. Bush, chose a running mate that routinely got $400 haircuts. Yeah, John Edwards has pretty gay hair. And so does Paul Ryan. I’m not saying they’re gay, and I’m not saying they’re gay together, but I am saying that Paul Ryan has gay hair.